Current mood:	crazy
Current music:	lamb of god- ruin

peachy keen..peachy fuking keen

here is a lil update of wat been goin on in my life/ head........

thinkgs have been up n down  its liek im on a fukin never endin roller coaster. lets begin w/ friday night at a party havin a good time meetin new people chillen w/ peeps i knew..gettin hit on all night by this kid named amen..lol..funy lookin white boi he kept hitin on me askin me to dance he asked for my sign n i laughed n told him n he was liek me 2 n im liek whoa its magic n hes liek no its magnetis i laughed soo hard i just had to walk away...i succeded in hookin up my best w/ my friend mike n i even managed to get a lil action that nite myself also but it suxz now cuz forsome reason wenever i see him i feel awkward..liek i dont regret nethin i wuldnt mind nethin happenin again or wat not ..hes a cool kid really cute n all 2..but it seems to me he mite regret it..(to all my friend whom r readin this i did NOT have sex w/ him ..i repeat did NOT),..lol..but watever i should say somethin to him rite?? i owno..all in all tho fri was an awsome nite wish i could do it again.....

the day after that (on sat) i chilled w/ nick i love goin there its liek im enterin my comfort zone he is the only guy i can truly be myself in front of n i love it i can do /say / act how i want n its ok i hate leavin i always feel liek im leavin myself ...bein w/ nick is soo awsome i love layin w/ him its the best rest ever..i dont even mind it wen he pinches my fat..n yea we do fool round n all but even w/o the whole bf/gf label its great cuz i love him friend lover or enemy..i just wish he would tell me if he had ne feelings for me liek he once said he did cuz  he is a very hard person to read ..but i dont wanna change nethin as it is atm cuz things r perfect there....

sunday i went to a fam thin..my dads side GAY ...not much more to say bout that now is there..

ive been soo out of it lately that ive been takin uit out on workm n the peopl i work w/.....its not them or my job its me im unhappy n its no1s fault but my own im the one who chose to live my life this way ..it was my choice to let my heart die it was my choice to keep people away ..but now i am lonely..i dont have ne1 really my only best is too good for me now that she has a new bf n al n urghh its just soo complicated that im not goin to get into that soo once n for all im lettin my friendship w/ her which ive had since 7th grade die finally n theres no chance of bringin it bak to life..i would thought makin  friends w/ chicks would bea good thin but they r soo evil n heartless n only care bout them selves wel fuk that im thru im stickin to only my guy friends..as long as there not secretly in love w/ u or ure fukin em, or watever they r perfect...lol

i need some1..i nkow i let my hearty die but i wanna see if theres some1 out there that would help me kikstart my heart again..i need to live again i ned to have that feelin of bein commited to one person n bein happy w/ that one personm ..im tired of bein every1s secret im no longer goin to be that ..if u dont want ne1 knowin bout me or that ure w/ me or nethin liek that then u can fuk ureself cuz ima have nothin to do w/ u ..thats just wrong how do peopl go on w/ life n hide people in the dark liek that  just cuz they dont want otheres knowin its fuked up ill tell u that ..if ne1 ever try to do that to ne1 dont let them there not worth it..it took me a while to figure that out but i finally did n now im sayin fuk them im movin on ..ima find myslef some1 who will care for me love me occassionally be all mushy w/ me some1 that wil say those 3 words i havent herd in ages I LOVE U n yes they will be sayin it to me not the chick sitin 3 seats bak but me n it will be great n i will breath again n stop bein such a bitch ...the only problem is who ..who would want me..i guess we shall see

yea soo everythin bites the big one ive been cryin myself to sleep at night from thinkin soo much ...i tried to drown myself in pills the other night  n failed how sad is that ill tell u how sad it is ..its very sad ..ive started cutin myself agin not to die or nethin but just as a way to tell my self hey cheer up atleast ure still alive..not...i like the pain its the only pain i control..its the only thing i controll n no1 is goin to take thast away from me..n i wish every1 would stop pretending to care liek they do cuz they dont n im sick of it..fuk u all stay out of my problems there mine n il kep them to myself if i feel liek tellin u i will dont stick ure head in my buisiness tryin to be mary fukin poppins cuz it aint gonna work ill just spit in ure face n walk away

srry..as u can tell things havent been so good for me..cant eat cant sleep countless cuttin of roxies body pluss on top of al this shit i have my fukin period..im soo fukkin outta my mind i wouldnt be surprised it the next time ne1 herd from me would be from the hospital or somethin..

thats all my complainin bout me for now ima go n catch some ZzZzZz's..

im off liek a dirty shirt..<3roxi<3