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Friday, October 7th, 2005
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1:54 pm - bang bang, shoot shoot
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ok soo late post.
last weekend was a blast, and im still lazy to type soo im goin to steal what michelle wrote( some of it atleast)
girls dont need to get drunk to have a fun time
michelle shouldnt let me do her make up EVER AGAIN!..LOL
sarah is the best at not allowing any one other then her n myself in the bed.
junk food is sooooo good, and if you just place it on the table out of nowhere tween a bunch of girls it will be gone in 2 secs flat..lol
shopping/ stealing is always fun.
working sucks!
yes cellphones for ipods are good trade ( specially when that have barbie girl playin in em)
i <3 whatever i ate at the wanna be better then chevy place..
and o0o..the phrase " you should come fuck around nexzt time " gets michelle uberrrr confused.
and as usual rocky was out of control..lol..but fun!
work has been work ive been sooooo tired.
weds oct 5th was MASKARA! omg it was incredible , well atleast for me , got to be with my hunni lauren ( i love seeing her) saw all the hot sexxy fashions , saw fixer play ( more about fixer soon)..and get to veiw a lovely performance by veronica varlow! ( more about her aswell soon)
ok soo time for fixer, or should we say lead singer EVAN!!, SOOOOO HOT, i just want to lick him all oover, the nite was filled with him gropin lauren and i all nite basically after we asked him a question ( heehee) it was wonderful, but he tour manager is a shithead do not like him..but hopefully will be seein evan soon ::wink wink::..lol
and the best for last VERONICA VARLOW!!!!, i was eyein her all nite then finally i got the courage to talk to her, she is the swetest woman alive, shes real, and soo not full of shit!, im in love..lol..
but best news ever after her threatnin to him me when i said i was to fat to bea suicide girl we started talkn n she brought up ideas bout her next photo shoot n doin a photo shoot with me aswell!!
soo excited dunno when it will be happenin tho but its goin to be awesome!!
good times good times. but now its back to work
<3<3<3<3<3<3
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
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11:26 am
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| Friday, September 30th, 2005
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8:00 pm - this shit is gay!
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| Thursday, June 30th, 2005
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11:11 pm
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STOP STOP!!!!...I WANT OFF!!!
someone stop this ride , i cant take it anymore i want this ride to be over im sick, im tired, im scared...when will it stop!
went to staten island today then came back to borin ol brooklyn hung out w/ my boy (hah) sean got coffee, walked around talked sat on the corner of 38th n s for liek a hour talkin w/ him starin at every chick walkin but n him goin oh id hit that id bend her over it was err fab..lol..
omar is goin to pakistan (whatever) in liek a week to pick his bride she'll mostlikely be liek 13 cause thats how they do..its kinda sad, hell be gettin married,seans sucked into gettin married, bens pratically married to his girl WE NEVER SEE HIM!!!, wtf..no this is not allowed i need my friends they cant all dissapear on me this sucks!..
sean for some reason thinks its goin to rain , its not goin to n i keep tellin him this . we made a bet he hasnt decided on the stupid thing i have to do if i lose but if i win were goin to city hall tmorrow and gettin married ( a lil inside joke and a rag on him cause thats how he gets sucked into proposin n all thats stuff cause he loses, but were not really goin to b gettin married nomatter what)..lol
and i now own a beautiful corset, and perty new armwarmers!!!
go me and my stupidity, why do i do the things i do..the world may never know..lol
im lookin foward to maskara..wahoo!..still practicin how to walk in heels..ahah
i need it to be september soo i can see DANE COOK ALREADY!!!
ok im done, love ya liek a fat kid loves cake <3
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, June 27th, 2005
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11:48 pm - FUCK!!!!
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i thought everything was ok , i thouhgt i was doing ok for once i said to myself "hey your doin something w/ your life , your happy once again everything will be fine"...and i believed myself (stupid me)but liek everything else it all crumbled apart and im left w/ this feeling of emptyness, dissapointment i just want to fucking die!!
it finally hit me, well its been creepin up on me the past week ive had this horrible feeling of failure, that something wasnt rite and i was correct.
after getting home from a wonderful day (that i tried soo hard not to fuck up, not to start crying out of nowhere and cant explain)i decide to take a nice hot shower and relax. well i spent almost an hour sitting in the tub CRYING as the scolding hot water beat at my body, it burned but i couldnt move i just didnt care to, i was forced out of the bathroom by some1 needing to use it and refused to go downstairs..asshole!..
and up until a lil bit ago ive been layin on my bedroom floor in the dark in my towel cryin cause i had collapsed there and had no energy to get up.
The way im feel, what im going thru (whatever it is) has nothin to do w. ne1 specific. just from the way i think, the way i let people burn there opinons or whatever they have of me or to say to me in my brain( horrible things) my lack of work, failure and no motivation to go to school, im not very bright, i let people walk all over me,i let people use me. it al gets to me and i dont know what to do .
Everything i look at makes me sad, i always vision myself doin somethin horrible, like when im waiting for the train as its pulling up i see myself just jumping off the platform , i shouldnt think like that , its sick, im sick.
i think about my past how fucked up it was i cant get away from it ..SOO PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING PERFECT??..FUCK YOU!...i remember everyday i had to live life walkin on eggshells around my mother and her husband and i always carried spare panties, toothbrush and deoderant in my bag w/ me at all times cause they were just soo keen on always giving me the boot.i always had people in my face either it would be my mother n her husband, teachers/ security guards/ deans/COPS/truent "cops" or my father OH LORD MY FATHER thank whoever for his horrible aim or i would have a BROKEN FACE!!.
i met a boy, wel truthfully ive met many boys but this boy had "the one" written all over him whoo boy was i wrong. i fell in love head over heals topsy turvy in love!!, he was my soulmate- me w/ a penis, i was blind, or was it him who was , he who saw w/ his eyes and not w/ his heart. while i gave him everything put everything on the line for him i would have died for him, but i guess in his eyes i was just a fun ride that lasted to long and had a huge car wreck w/ a huge bill fee to get rid of, and he did and i havent heard from him since, i was left all alone i had abandoned my family for him,i was broken hearted,i lost a huge part of myself on march 15th, and i lost him. he was a great actor i believed everything he fed me i fell into it all , and after all was done and i tried to pick myself back up again i turned into sometihn horrible, using guys liek they had or would have used me , i turned into him, i actually lied to some1 tellin them i loved them when i didnt i only wanted to pretend and be w. some1 just to be w/ some1 w/ hope i could get somethin out of it, maybe i would be loved liek really loved and i would know how that felt but i couldnt do it forever so i told the person the truth he was broken, furious, wants to kill me and he has every rite to i was evil and im srry im truly sorry, no1 should ever feel the way he made me feel not even close to it , its just to much to deal w/ to much pain but for me my whole life was pain.
I WANT TO BE LOVED, HOW DOES IT FEEL??..PLEASE SOME1 DESCRIBE IT TO ME !
im not workin and i hate this, i hate that my last job had used me i loved them and it soo much they were my family but in the end they used me just liek pretty much everyone else had used me. you could all rot!
you made me this way you did it you all of you!!..fuck what am i saying im just fucked up theres no excuse, fingers shouldnt be pointed its just me ........
lately i made a new friend and i opend up after so long and it felt soo good, i finally get to be myself and iwont get laughed at for it or abused and its AMAZING. He has been so nice to me, given me so much, made me feel so much better about myself and i thank you and i wish i could do the same for you but you are soo much stonger then i am , im soo lucky to have you in my life <3
i need to pick myself up again , i need to get back to workin, or being creative, doing somethin w/ my time, but first i need to get this shit out of my head , these fucked up voices repeating in my head, i want to live life have fun i want to love and actually be loved in return
wow crazy i knwo rite ..(but im not so lucky for that to happen) but i am lucky enuf for my urge to cut is back fullforce, i cant do it i wont i wont i shouldnt but its nice for the time, for a lil bit its the one thing i control, or so i let myself think.
w0w this is all over the place this is just what was in my head at this moment and its not even all of it but im goin to end it now im srry for takin up space on your friends page, please dont pity me please dont i just needed to get this out thinkin maybe it would help..mm nope not helping yet.
one more thing ive been thinkin of just dissapearing for a lil bit maybe it would help me out , but that would only be me runnin away from my problems only to come back for more,,fuck running ill walk..i need to get away ..i need somethin i dont knwo what does anybody know, i cant think anymore goin to cry myself to sleep.
if i seem wierd or out of place to you liek somethings wrong or im gone you cant reach me nethin its all here and more!
i dont want to be a burden to anyone i dont want to hurt anyone.
i love you, im sorry.
current music: Scarling - Fair weather fuck
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 4th, 2005
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1:44 pm
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| Saturday, May 28th, 2005
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3:57 pm - cocaine in a can BABY!
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aghh thats stuck in my head, thanks alot!!..heehee.
soo i guess today will be entry day since i got SHIT to do ( i really should clean but fuck it maybe tmorow)
soo yesterday i went to uncle jimmy's dirty basement, and all i have to say is FUCKING AMAZING..i want to see it again!!!.(thank you charley!!<3)
yesterday was a really good freakin day!..no complaints there..heehee.
"clockwork orange, good movie that was made in 1959?..1969, 69, 69...thats liek 100 years old"???
priceless..haha
ive been listening to THE USED liek crazy n it just makes me want to scream and jump and break things!..oh yeah!..sad they wont be at warped tour..speaking of warped tour ..I CANT WAIT!..im lookin at the stage set ups seein which stage is deff worth it and i woudl say that the south stage will be my #1 priority that day seein how ...
The Starting Line
Senses Fail
MXPX
* Something Corporate *
Avenged Sevenfold
Matchbook Romance
Atreyu ..... will be there so thats where ill be i mean the north stage is equally awsome casue of my chemical romance, fall out boy and the offspring but i dont knwo if itll be worth it to go crazy n run around like a crazy bitch ( BUT I KNOW I WILL BE!!!)
then theres the maurice stage that has funeral for a friend and hawthorne heights..i already seen funeral for a friend in concert n there not that great live soo i think ill live..and il just go to a hawthorne heights show another time..
soo yea i can wait its just right around the corner..SWEET!
"im not another stupid little teenage fuckin whore!"
<3 roxxi
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
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10:25 pm
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| Saturday, May 14th, 2005
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1:30 am - So when im having a bad tripp or bleeding in my tub then you'll have time for me ...
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dear friend,
ive known u since i was what 11? 12?..and now its like nothing ughh i fuckin hate it..i call you jsut to say hi and i get brushed off automatically u come out w/ srry im not chilling today..yea hi i didnt ask you if you were chilling im just calling to say hi douche!!..or ill get a cal from you out of the blue say your callin to see whast up and ask a favor from me..or stop by where i work thinkin your doing a nice thing but act like a total douche, or call me up to chill when you know i work 5 days a week and the times i work, and when i say srry im workin maybe when i get off in liek a hour ure respond w/ oh im not free then ..well you knwo what then dont fuckin cal me..cont make it liek your doin me a fuckin favor.
i know its not just me u dont have time for nemore tween school and her but still everyone atleast gets to see you here and there ..i get nothin ..for a while you were the only person i could talk to ..to open up to,say everything i felt/wanted to say but now theres no one ..
i know to do things on my own ..to deal w. things on my own but u know once in a while its good to share w/ that one person u knwo u can trust n wil always be there for u..even the days you would poke at me for hours to get everything that was bothering me off my chest but not tel me a single thing bout what was bothering you.
I loveed just spending my days in the house w/ u watching movies/sleeping/talking/dressing me up in diff things and posing me diff ways and takin my pictures/watchin you and your bro play video game for HOURS...to just laugh, scream or just say NOTHING at all.
but in the last couple of months everything seemed to fade away..i broke down one nite, you told me i was bein crazy how well always be friends that school is just gettin to ya n u need to do well..which is ok..i get that ..but then she came into your life and quickly you left mine.
so i finaly saw you tonite, prolly wouldnt have either if it wasnt for omar bein in bklyn..your home w/ her and your (yours and her) new puppy, the name calling "hunni..sweety..babe" calling the dog to come "come to mommy/daddy"...we didnt talk much ..was there anything to say..worth sayin?..so i just sat there and and thought to myself "he looks happy..i fucking hate her,...look at them they have there own lil family..fuck i hope hes happy...this is the last time il see you..talk to you..not like youll notice".....and then she comes in ..the lil cracked out girl..which really pisses me off ive known you for so long and nothin but her ...she comes n goes as she pleases.shes always welcomed..tonite was her bad shroom trip and she came to you to save her ..maybe thats it ..you want people you can fix..and you cant fix or help me so you just gave up..you know what AGHHHHHH!!! i dont fuckin know anymore..
so i guess this is where "nothing lasts forever" comes in ..i knew it would just like everything else does but deep down i wish it wouldnt ..but i cant stop it ..theres not much..well not anything i can do ....
just wish you the best of luck and all the happiness, by yourself and w/ her ...cause i hate to admit it as bad as i feel rite now bout this you do look really happy ..real content..(and i havent seen u liek this in a while)...and at the same time i wish i had that ..i wish i felt like you feel...i guess in time i will..il find mine someday (or even find myself) ....this is goodbye..farewell..be safe..enjoy your life ..il always remember the good times even the bad..al the time we spent togehter everything we talked bout..fought about..everything.
and if our paths should one day cross again,i wil always welcome you, your friendship w/ open arms and a open heart.
<3 roxxi
This is for a old friend ...just somethings i cant say to him or even give him in letter..so i write it here just to get it off my chest and done w/ ......im sorry
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, May 2nd, 2005
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12:22 pm - curiosity killed the cat...
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::sighs::....i cant believe im goin to do this ....
hes always popin up in my life/head and after all the hard work i do to forget him like hes forgotten me ..but nope i have to find things that reminds me of him, old notes,drawings,photos etc..liek so ...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v716/trashyXslut/IMG_1863.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v716/trashyXslut/IMG_1857.jpg
arghh!!..sometimes i wish i can go back to those days (i better get workin on that time machine then ) yea they had there problems but at the end of the day they were over n done w/ and it would just be him and myself in a nice snuggly warm bed..just the 2 of us. telling eachother how much we loved one another...( i have not spoke those words to anyone since him..its been over a year..i believe 2?..time flys)..how we would travel,how we would be together forever start our own family and not have our children turn out the way we did cause of fucked up childhoods.
But then came the problems tween our familys and us or fam vs fam..cause my family just cant let ne1 be happy they have to make everything into a fuckin war....then came the drugs..my endless bickering over the drugs or other stupid things...lack of trust (we each thought the other was cheating)the screaming..verbal abuse..hitting(mainly on my part)..it was a mess oh yea on top of all that and al the other things i missed throw in a child..yay..that makes it all better..NOT..he lied to me ..he fuckin lied to me ..he told me things wil be ok ..he PROMISED things would be ok ..he swore he wasnt goin anywhere..and i like a fool believed him...why did i have to fall in love?!?!?!
after the horrible deed was done ..me not bein able to go home yet cause of the medication was talked into goin w/ them to a friends house where they all were chilling..i was in soo much pain no1 could understand..no1 cared..soo there i was i felt liek i was goin to die..you couldnt imagine what was running thru my head w/ what i had just done..& holding tightly to my folder which held all that i had left of it..and with a snap of the fingers he was gone 2..our relationship was over and i was stranded.
our relationship was over but the fights and i love you..i FUCKIN HATE YOUS.grew each day ..i couldnt just let it end liek that id take the abuse to try to talk to him...id tried to lock him in the house , not to leave ..to talk things out...it was so hard to share a bed at nite w/o him holding me ..i was fightin for somethin that was long gone...i killed myself each day over it ..how i let it get to what it was ..it was all my fault..
i tried to form some sort of friendship w./ him up until i moved back to brooklyn..even a few more times after that..sometimes i catch myself goin to dial his # to hear his voice and try again but i stop and walk away from the phone..
its over ..everything..and ive dealt w/ it ..nothin is perfect..im not perfect..and my actions my word certainly werent perfect.
i realize im rambling..oh well yes i know im all over the place some w/out point..but u can ut the peices together for yourself.
i miss the feeling of goodness, love, protection,happiness...i havent opend myself up to another guy since him..i havent told another guy i loved them since him..ive never felt loved they way i did since him..i promised myself i would never do that again..
but after a while you get lonely ..u try to cover these feelings of wanting to be loved, and i did just that ..i fell and i fell hard..i coverd those feelings w./ sex..best friends..people who actually did have feelings for me..couple of random people..i even began to start talkin to people online and met 2 offline..i used them all and they used me ..it was bad..i couldnt hold on much longer..i needed to stop i needed to get a grip..i think im doin pretty ok for myself now..i try to occupy my time w/ work..and to avoid people that want to bring me back into that mess..
i am happy now im stil lonely n empty n wish to hear those words spoken to me and feel that amazing feeling i once felt and just cling onto it soo tight and always feel liek that ..
but that wont happen cause im a horrible person and no1 loves me or would love me and wel i dont blame them..
i have time..not long but some..ill manage the rest of my time w.o it ..i have so far.
ive never really trusted ne1 since him..i hold everything inside..i keep to myself..ive forgotten who i once was..what am i now???
to anyone who actually read this ..IM SO SORRY ...
its useless mind rambling SHIT!!
im goin to take some pills n get a nap now..
some advise..never be to curious..it does kill in the end...
current mood:  crappy
current music: the used~ i caught fire
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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9:27 am - this is not love!
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| Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
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11:16 am - g.i joes and karate matches in the backyard, and everythings alright.....
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aghh..where to begin....lets go ermm backwards i guess..last nite (fri) went to rocky w/ steph her new "boy toy" and this other chick mela?..i owno...whatever..i really wanted it to be just steph and i but meh he had a car n she wanted to see him soo there went that bonding idea n havin some1 to talk to out the fuckin window..0-well..but it wasnt that bad, he picked us up at 113oish and we made it to the theatre in time..whoo..i just needed to throw there names on the list n i was set ( i liek to laugh at others..hehe)..when arrived i spotted toni n we basically tackled eachother..fuckin awsome..hehe..then it all began they wanted to kill me but mehh i had my chuckles and steph won soo its all good (tho we know she could have done WAYYY better then what she did),afterwards toni comes up to me n was liek if i were u if jump for a bag soo i did and i got one muahah i w happy camper til i had to stand up in front w/ 3 other people in a challenge to list all tim currys movies...i was blank i cant handle bein in front of people i get scared and dig a hole n crawl into it ..but i won anyways cause toni is AWSOME...i <3 u girl..soo now i have/will have a ticket to see spamalot..wahoo SCORE!! it wil be my first time goin to see nethin since grease when i was liek 9-10..and ill be alone :( maybe i can convince or see if some1 could get a tickefor whenever it is and come with..if im lucky but thats doubtfull...meh....the show was great i had fun and the other 3 did 2..yay i did good!!.for once..i got the strangest voicemail from sean ..i believ he was drunk..teehee ( i wish i was ) i tried callin back but by that time he prolly passed out..WHIMP!!..we got pizza after the show and none of us felt liek goin home soo we drove round the city for a lil bit blasting some awsome tunes and singin our hearts heart..(yes yes i sang..not well but i did..bahh!)we came up w. the idea of maybe goin to a diner for coffee or somethin to relax n talk n what not ..soo were drivin n yea i see were not headed the rite way ..look at the signs WERE GOIN TO FUCKIN STATEN ISLAND....wahoooo you knwo what that means i got to satisfy my pancake urges at PERKINS!!!!..its hot sex..(yes at 4 am there still open cause they are HARDCORE!).. mm coffee and choc chip pancakes ne fat chick would die for it ..oh yes deff..hehe..i would ..perkins was basically ours besides a few of the typical SI guido tuff guy and there trophee chicks..(crackheads i swear)..we were all loud ALL OF US..Oddly enough i found some1 that would take chewed up pancakes rite out of my mouth and eat it ..oh yea seems gross but cool...lol..makes me comfortable w/. them..lol..plus pre-chewed food always tastes better when your sharing it our of others mouths.(ahahah)..ok enough of that shit..after perkins steph n a.j got into a play fight that lasted 10 mins over keys (in the parkinglot) awww how cute.. i just wanted to throw up my yummy pancakes.phew!...
after dropping mela? off at home we drove around then headed back to bklyn..bahhhh..eww..listend to DREAM THEATER..HOT SEXXX...i got tired of sittin in the back all by myself w/ no1 to hold or kiss as they were openly doin as he was drivin..ackk..soo i took a lil nap n woke up once we got to stephs place..i spent the nite there and so did he..it was around 7 or so when i passed out for a lil bit then woke up a hour later..yay!..i need fuckin sleep..they were goin to the clinic to get tested i was supposed to go w/ but no my mother feels i should be home at 9 in the mornin and clean my room..y cause shes crazy and i i woulda came home at 10 oh no..i wouldnt beable to clean??..bah..i need to go to the clinic, but im soo scared i have a huge fear of needles ( yes yes even tho i do love to get peirced and i want more ink) i just hate them i go insane and turn int othe hulk or a hysterical baby once i se them come to me to either prick my finger or draw from my arm..INSANE I TEL U INSANE!!!but i do need to go and i do need a checkup and i do well i would liek birth control..i dont think its asking much ..but as always i have to find and go to these places all on my own ..my mothers motto s once i get a gyno youll get one..hmm ok crazy lady go choke on a stick please...
so now i am home..im tryin to clean i swear i am ..i jsut have no motivation to and im on 0 sleep..but i did manage to get all my dirty clothes down stairs for the grandmother to do it soo yay clean clothes for me and i can stop buyin them ..lol..im in tears atm actualy..im listenin to konstantine by soco..aghhh why do i ..why do i sit here n listen to these beautiful words and dream of things and then i wake up and things r well there shit..but meh ..
i have about 5 finished disposable cameras ive dug up and i should go get them developed one day n see who or what are on them..yess i shall next payday...work was simple tho all i did was watched the boss's baby all week hehe..im the au pair?..hahah..thats how they call for me ..its nice..its nice to watch other peoples children..i just dont want / actually im not even sure i can have my own..meh if nethin i can always adopt...
even monday was a good day it was soo beautiful out and i hardly worked at work..i believe the most i did that day was sweep..lol..then after i met up w/ aron and we went into the city for a lil then we went to queens mall and i want to buy EVERYTHING!!!..but i only bought a skirt and 2 t's and ofcourse i bought aron dinner..bahh!!..
i have found a lil ( or well actualy its a whole lot) of happiness in the past couple o weeks but still theres a part of me thats goin to crack and i fear what will happen if i do ..wil it all come to a end?..will they put me away?..or ..or fuck it i cant deal w/ it ok ..i cant..we all know how wel i deal w/ things just check out my stomach..fuckin peachy ehh..btw thnx to work im not staring at 10 brand new straight edge razors i pocketed from just just incase ...just incase..i just need a lil somethin ..a lil slice..i feel liek im addicted to crack or soemthin jeez just look at me ..im pathetic..i just want the pain to go away..i sit in the corner of my dark room listenin to depressing music staring at all the possibilities i have sitting around my room and how i should do it ..should i test out the beautiful nooses a customer at work taught me how to make ..should i down every pill available?...or should i put the beautiful shiny metalic razors and slice them smoothly across my soft tender skin and sit and watch as it all drains from my body leaving trails of blood and beautiful slits all over my body..........................................................
i just dont knwo what to do ..i need some1 to help me ..i cant help myself nemore.....
i do knwo one thing and that one hings true..i hope....
i wish i had guts..then you would know exactly how i feel..instead i coward and hide..im such a whimp!..
i need to go and try to clean and find somethin better to listen to ..somethin not to depressing..
im goin to add pics l8r once i remember my photobucket password..bahh
"your so beautiful , beautiful in every single way..."
<333 roxxi
current mood: depressed
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 10th, 2005
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1:39 am - Here i am ..ROCK you like a hurricane
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ok so ive decided to actually make a entry..bah its liek what 2 am n wel im bored..soo whoever reads this gets to hear about my oh so boring life...
the other week was incredible i spent it at my sisters and well ive missed her soo much i really wished growin up we had more of a relationship shes the only person in this family that i love ...soo yes i was there fri til sunday n i met her "crew" there fun people didnt sleep friday till sat nite which was liek 4 am soo technically it was sunday?..lol..but its all cool ..it was fun, i needed that ALOT!!!i need to see her again if she wil see me again :( ....
i have been workin liek a man man ...err woman?...lol..my arms kil from the damn heat pressing machine i want to start printin GOD DAMN!!..i know how to work the auto its basically just flippin switches at the rite time n loadin shirts ..its cake!..i <3 my job like crazy ..who has a job where they can do say wear act a fool nethin and get paid for it..not u ..I DO !!..oh yea n ontop of the work i do there i also have been babysittin my boss's child..soo cute and i HATE kids..lol.. i get hit at work tho ..its fun ..i deserve it tho i should really stop laughing at the customers, but there just sooo stupid they deserve it ex: this guy comes in askes for prices on t's n its liek a 6 color job for that many colors we need it to be a certain amount of t's n that amount was like 72 to start w/ and he was liek ok! so my boss is talkin to him tryin to figure out diff things cause he tells us he only has 5 workers but yet he kept sayin sure sure il do 72 t's (FIVE FUCKIN WORKERS?!?!!?.).i just had to laugh..i just couldnt help myself it was goin to cost liek a grand n he was liek ok wel sure..dumbass.
then we get the customers who come in and sit there for a hour not sure pf what they want to get or they dont understand pricing when its soo simple n written out rite there for u ..derf...o0o or the ones that call up n go " hi i saw your ad in the paper n i would liek a quote" and by the end of the convo they go " ok and can i get your #" wtf..HELLOOO same fuckin # u dialed 3 mins ago..douche..
im bad...lol..and then fri nite(last nite) iworked a bar-mitvah at the four seasons it was liek a half a million doller party or more it was soo hott!!..pluss tho im not a big fan SMASH MOUTH was there band..wtf..spoiled rotten??,..i say YES...they had these dancers that looked as if they were stripers the guys in tight silver pante all sparkles and what not no shirt and chicks in liek a tight silver 1 peice type thing and they were in cages..they had us heatsealin sweatshirts, other tables doin pics and wax and engraving jewerly..it was hot..i saw lobster almost attacked the person carryn it ..dang!they had video games alover reg dancers on this dance floor that lites up multi colored..i didnt get home till like 2...bah..oh yea n smash mouth was soo drunk..ahah they soo didnt want to b there..ahaha..i stole some of the party favors ..i just had to ..i got a white feather boa and a black furry mad hatter lookin hat..its hot!!..the people i wokred w/ handed me 40 buxx when i got out of the car..i deff better b getin the rest this week or i wil kil them...and today i went into work n watched the boss baby while the redid the hallway..its all butta!!
ive been workin like mad i cant wait till next month when d & l starts up ..ill be making more cash..wahooo
tonite after work i went out at liek 9-30-10ish n met up w/ sean FINALLY!! went to the diner had some coffe good conversations, saw fortune ::shivers:: had a lil coffee w. my sugar..ahah , only way to drink it and must add salt to all foods..thats rite sean taught me well..im soo goin to die young..lol..chilled listenin to some micheal jackson..OH YEA!! o0o and i must not forget the breaking of the glass..me and my spastasticness broke a glass it was liek in slow motion we both saw me knock it, it fall and jumped rite of the table SMASH rite onto the floor..ahah im such a clutz..sean picked most of it up ...he knew the owner n he came over n looks at me n goes it was you ..u did it (joking around n such) n i was liek im soo srry i cant help it it wanted to die he was liek its ok we lost more in the war..im liek ok sure..lol...sean tried to win me a stuffed animal out of the machine but failed ..tis ok tho i still <3 him for tryin...we walked back to ave s n sat by the dry cleaners i couldnt walk my feet hurt soo much from my damn shoes..soo we talked more while i took my shoes off..i made him smell my feet since hes always the one crackin jokes on how they smelt ..THEY DONT DAMMIT..well not bad..all the time..lol..he did n made fun of me ..lol..then omar called n we told him where we were n hed b there in 3 mins and he was in 2 almost pulled onto the curb..bahh!! but decided not to cause i think he said somrthin bout not havin his license on him or somethin..DOUCHE!!..yet i get in anyway..meh...took shoes of again n he cracked my toes..ahhhh!!...rofl..whast w/ people touchin my feet..bahh!!!..drove around for a bit n tried callin steph but apparently she was in si w/ friends..wtf what friends!!..pfft fuck that im gettin her donnie darko dvd from sean n then il own that shit..hellz yea!!..we decided to go play some pool..that was fun ..im not that bad ..meh ..sean gets real into the game n gets soo pissed when he misses ..dork..tryin to distract them by goin " MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE" OR " ROCK OUT W. YOUR COCK OUT ..HANG OUT W. YOUR WANG OUT" OR "OH LOOK AT THAT ASS!!!" that one never seems to fail..muahaha..ive masterd how to make the ball bounce or fly off the table..ahahah...oh yea n omar also tried to win me a stuffed animal but failed..meh oh well..tonite was cool..havent chilled w. either of them in a bit ..it was nice ..like old times.
ive decided to cut ALOT of people out of my life..ones that give me to much shit bring so much pain and my onliners..its just gotta go ..and i think im better off this way, its for the best ..srry guys..YOU MAKE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF ..and i get enough of that from home i dont need it from you.
i was given a offer to move in w./ some friends ..id move by the end of may tho..i dont think i can bring myself to go tho as much as i want/need to leave..but its in vegas but its free i DONT KNOW!!!
i mean liek wtf is there for me besides a free room..the only thing i have is my work and my work is here w/o my work id be dead..and its tru it really is..i guess i just need to think ..i dunno it makes me cry n get headaches..i just need that one person to just come op to me n tell me not to go ..that they need me ..but that wont happen but ehh..
im gettin a new tattoo soon my friend is drawing it up for me ..yeehaww!!..lol..dont ask..rofl..and hopefuly a new peircing a monroe prefferably..(spelling?)..lol..its hot!!..i liek new!!!
im goin for my permit soon im gettin forced to by the rents which is fuckin odd..meh..i cant deny ..i need a car ..mm freedom!!..
my hair is still hot sexxx..i need it washed again soon..muahah..
got a new lil stack o books to read ..YES!!!
al is well..i guess..stil really emo lately..thankfully its only behind closed doors..i dont liek it when people see me cry..i dont liek to have my guard down only to be defeated.
mm yea i believe this is the end..i know i knwo its sad..but there wil be other days other shit to speak of!!..ahahaha
GOSH!!!!
"this fuckin assholes wearing a peewee herman pin"
"i'd stick it to her"
"ahhh!! wtf is that "
"i cant tell which is teh stick omar or the pool stick they both look alike.".."its ok i forget sometimes also"~omar
this fuckin cat wont stop meowing..ahhhhhhhh
im of like a dirty shirt
<3
current mood:  dorky
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, April 4th, 2005
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8:43 pm - do it and maybe il spare your life...
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Body: WOULD YOU...(mark an X for yes)
[] go out with me?
[] give me your number?
[] kiss me?
[] let me kiss you?
[] watch a movie with me?
[] let me take you out to dinner?
[] let me drive you somewhere
[] cut some rug with me?
[] take a shower with me?
[] be my bf/gf?
[] have a fling with me?
[] let me buy you a drink?
[] take me home for the night?
[] Would you let me sleep in your bed?
[] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
[] sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
[] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[] give me a piggyback ride?
[] Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere
[] Lock me in your room and take advantage of me?
[] lick my cheek?
[] listen to billy idol with me?
[] dance with me?
[] let me make you breakfast?
[] tap me in the ass?
[] help me with homework?
[] tickle me to death?
[] let me tickle you?
[] stick up for me if i was being put down?
[] carress my body?
[] play strip poker with me?
[] say yes if i asked you out?
[] let me wear your pants?
[] borrow a pair of my underwear if yours for some reason got ruined?
[] let me borrow your underwear if for some reason mine got ruined?
[] get wasted with me?
[] instant message me?
[] greet me in public?
[] hang out with me?
[] bring me around your friends?
[] go get a piercing/tattoo with me?
[] go to a concert with me even if you didnt really like the band?
[] be mine
[] do wutever i asked u to
D0 Y0U...
[] think im cute?
[] think im hot?
[] want to kiss me?
[] want to cuddle wit me?
[] want to hook up with me?
ARE WE...
[] aquintences?
[] friends?
[] in a relationship?
[] gonna have kids?
AM i...
[] smart?
[] cute?
[] funny?
[] cool?
[] loveable?
[] adorable?
[] compassionate?
[] annoying?
[] great to be with?
[] attractive?
[] mean?
[] odd?
[] good enough to be a calvin klein model?
[] the most amazing thing youve ever seen
[] ugly
lets see those x"S
HAVE Y0U EVER...
[] thought about me?
[] thought there might be an "us"?
[] thought about hookin up with me?
[] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[] wished i were there?
[] grabbed me?
[] had a crush on me?
[] idolized me?
[] wanted my number?
[] had a dream about me?
[] been distracted by me?
ARE Y0U...
[] done with this survey?
[] happy you know me?
[] mad at me?
[] thinkin bout me?
[] going to repost this so that i will return the favor
current mood: depressed
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, November 22nd, 2004
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2:32 pm - you would kill for this....just a little bit.......
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ok soo i havent updated anything here in a long time..soo here it goes ..this is just my weekend that just passed...yay go me..!!!!
.. friday the 12th of november was my bday..whee go me finally turned 17..not that i can buy smokes or booze legally or nethin..lol..tho i can get r rated tix..wheeee friggain awsome,.(sarcasim)and for a bday gift muh friend jen took me to my first show ever..wheee..it was (in order appeared) like yesterday,,funeral for a friend..atreyu..and taking back sunday..it was friggain amazing..i had the best time ever. ok so we got there at like 12 to wait n jen thought there would be alot of people but there was only 6 others infront of us...soo it was cool we all bonded exchanged #s n such. you know what i dont understand..i dont understand the point of crowd surfing...i mena liek cmon a bunch of people r liek carryin u n groppin u n then u kik n hurt alot of people ..its just gay.
soo i was in the front the whole concert..it was amazing, even tho i was squashed up against the bar the whole nite i enjoyed every second of it..soo there was these security guards n well all that were near me were soo friggain hawt!!!...lol..n everytime they went to stop a fight or grab a crowd surfer..the ones that were near me there crotches would go right in my face..lol..it was annoyin at first cause here i am tryin to enjoy my show n BAM some strange guys crotch is in my mouth...lol...i made friends w/ em ..there was this one guy i noticed rite away his name was dan n he just turned 25 that day..he was gorgeous..(not sayin i would go after him cause im more then happy w/ my baby)but the chick that was behind me was goin insane goin dan i wana fuck u show me ure cock ..etc..n then they actually planned to go n fuk..it was sick i mean how does one do that..i owno thats soo not me..but there was another one ,..i made friends w/ he was so much nicer his name was john..he was cute also ..and hed alwasy gimme water even if it was his own or when the lights went out hes run back n get me my own bottle..n h wasnt doin it for ne1 else..i felt special..he gave me a pick the band threw and taking back sundays music line up sheet ..which people killed for ..even tho i dunno y cause its just a peice of paper that they didnt even rite..but its cool either way its goin up on the wall or in the book i cant decide.
after the show jen n i went round the corner n waited for the band along w/ a bunch of other fans.i met every1 but the drummer from taking back sunday..adam (lead singer) said he was in the shower...that was one long shower.soo we waited some more and nothin ..it was just us n 3 other chicks..soo we saw the lead singer of the band that first went on called liek yesterday ..him n some other guy was wheelin a cart to the truck..lol..n they invited us to get drinks it was cool..tho we didnt go..cause we didnt have ne fake ids..boohoo..but i got a autograph n he sang my name..rofl...it was an amazing nite..i miss the security guards..rofl..
The day after the show i chilled w/ kenny (which i havent seen in ages) chris..and greg (whom ive met like 2ce)kenny piked me up w/ em n as were tryin to get bak to g.b chris has to pee..soo he trys to pee out window but couldnt figure out how til greg showed him..he tried to do it as they were drivin but kenny had to turn around cause he was goin the wrong way..n he stopped to show me them dancin in the car to H.I.M and then him spittin monster into kennys mouth..it was funny ..this whole time chris was holdin the piss he had to take in until he kenny drove away.we stopped to get beer and then went to a friends place..(another person i havent seen in ages) i was on kennys back the walk down the block to the house ..plus i didnt wanan step in the bigg puddles as im a bookbag for kenny greg kicks me in the ass..got but wet..rofl..walked into the big room of the house guess who i saw..i saw a ex bf he was the first thing i saw as i walked in he was all liek heyy how u been i just said hi n kept on walkin n he kept on talkin..it was funny..but newho..we had managed our own lil click that nite neways..it was liek me keny cris mainly then greg would join in ..that fucker smacked my ass it hurt but it hurt his hand worse..ahah..he seems liek a cool person i wouldnt mind chillen w/ him again .
the best part of seein kenny n em yesterday was kenny snortin marinara sauce at rollin roster and chris snortin the salt..it was hysterical..n thats that ...this has been my wonderful weekend..im done writtin my fingers ache..so i leave off w/ this...
you would kill for this
just a little bit
so, sing me something soft
sad and delicate
or loud and out of key
sing me anything
we're glad for what we've got
done with what we've lost
our whole lives laid out right in front of us
-straylight run
i like it..its beautiful..
btw the show was friday the 19th so this happend this weekend..toodles noodles..
<3 roxi <3
current mood:  drained
current music: straylight run
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, September 20th, 2004
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11:43 pm - LOVING YOU WAS LIEK LOVINF THE DEAD.......
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well i know i havent updated in a while...yea i suck...i have no time w/ work n all n movin n stuff..i wanan try to write liek 3 times a week form now on...lets try n see if it works....
newho..work has been chill..tho im sad the seasons over n ill have to wait ill next summer for d&l again..::le sigh::..umm been chillen w/ the boy as mucho posible..workin out good so far..omg n i met some o his fam the other day i had the best fukin day ever..liek totally.....neways thast relly ir..i finished movin out of moms now all i gotta go is move into new house w/ dad n bro...el yay...rofl
iite well more anotherday...imm off liek a dirty shirt...
peace love n chikengrease
current mood:  crazy
current music: skindred- nobody
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
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11:49 pm - ahhh
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ah justine is goin to kill me i have to cancel w/ her on sat..(no im not flakey) i just got a second job n it starts on sat...its for d&l entertainment soo i get to bee all perky n crap..wheeeee..oh well pay is goodly...hehe...im bored..ive been down shit w/ mee is either up or down hill things were uip n now there down liek they say wat goes up must come down..phoeey i liek up ...i have a feelin bad things will happen..
sighs..i cant wait hopefully i get to go away w/ nick n people soon..i need it ..BAD....well im off to dlin my stuff n lookin for this gay ass cartoon..whee
laters
I LOVE U ..LOVE ME <3 ROXI<3
current mood: crappy
current music: fiona apple...shadowboxer
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 25th, 2004
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11:21 pm - kill me slowly mY dearest only
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It is sunday the 25th i believe n this is an update of me n my weekend (which i still have one more day of)
FRIDAY: i finally spent some time w/ my dearest friend ever ms/ stephanie garcia...we watched brotherhood of the wolf ..it was me .moms. steph. drew n her uncle..it was a good movie even tho steph cant ever keep her mouth shut durin nethin ..i mean liek even if she is sitin there watchin n all shell still go ..wat happend?..who was that ...lol..i lve her so much n it is so funny seein her jump from bugs..hehe
SAT: it was supposed to be me spendin basically the whole day w/ my boy but i ended up gettin side tracked by runnin errands w/ moms n then my okd friend aron called me so i went to chil w/ him for a bit i havent seem him in a couple of months ..it was really cool..i love spendin time w/ him.it was liek bak in the day just chillen n beatin the crap out of eachother n listenin to al of his awsome stories..(my bedtime storys..better than ne fairy tale shit..rofl)...we watched scarface then we ended up at bens (aka god..lol) the i went to meet rob at his friends cris's house ..which by the way im never takin a cab ne where again..A) they r way too much money B)they r fukin insane people those drivers they r ...lol..but i had an awsome time w/ them we went to this awsome work place that cris got a job at (which btw i am jeaouls of cuz its so coool)..i got some wicked stuff to make pery thingys w/..yay..we had chinesen i went home..::sad::..P>
SUNDAY:i spent the day w/ pops bro n cliffy in the city..we went for breakfast n then to the fleamarket n i bought some wicked shiot bitch.hehe i love my style it kiks ass ...then we went to dean n daluca had awsome coffee n desserts...n ofcourse the day would be shit w/ out a trip to st.marks place..yay ..i bought a new pair of kiks at trash..which took me 20 pairs to go thru to find one that they actually have my size in ..lol..n an awsome pair of old cop shades..so hot n wat i would like to cal..if i may..lol..emo glasses..i look sexi in em..sat in some traffic ..cme home played w/ my godies n called rob..showerd n went to go n met him ..chilled w. him n chris again n wnet to park for a bit ...came home n now im writtin in this..
wel al in all i would say i had an awsome weekend..but im depressed
i dont know why..al i wanna do is cry n sleep ...i dont ever wanna leave my room again ..all i wanna do is slepe n cry n make perty cut marks all over me body
i need to se teddy soon ..he told me he cut his hair i need to see..i spoke to him today he called me today n sat night also ..he was liek wat is this since wen did u get friends i was liek umm its all make believe..i can play cant i ..lol...he was liek ure goin on a date rnt u n ure not telin me ..im like noo teddy im not n if i was wat u jealous..he said yea...but i know he is only kiddin w/ me..god he is great i need to see himn talk to him like now ..i must become undepressed
i wana die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die.....i wana hang myself or shoot myself rite tween the eyes or od on nethinn everytihnin slit my wrist n fal soundly aslep in a nice bath never to wake up.....thats it my wait for cancer has been to long its time to take matters into my own hands n do this the rite way...finaly i wil have peace
hopefully this is just a faze..
bloody kisses <3roxi<3
current mood: depressed
current music: blindside---silence
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
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8:34 pm - gotta love him
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AluvianSupremacy (8:32:04 PM): secs?
uReM0MsUx (8:32:09 PM): no
AluvianSupremacy (8:32:16 PM): :-(
AluvianSupremacy (8:32:24 PM): cyb0r?
uReM0MsUx (8:32:35 PM): n
uReM0MsUx (8:32:37 PM): o
AluvianSupremacy (8:32:41 PM): gayy
AluvianSupremacy (8:32:41 PM): plz
uReM0MsUx (8:33:01 PM): no
AluvianSupremacy (8:33:06 PM): :-(
AluvianSupremacy (8:33:08 PM): boobies plz?
uReM0MsUx (8:33:18 PM): wat u want w/ my boobies?
AluvianSupremacy (8:33:35 PM): touchin
uReM0MsUx (8:33:48 PM): nah..mines
AluvianSupremacy (8:33:52 PM): g4y
AluvianSupremacy (8:33:55 PM): u still gotta show me plz
uReM0MsUx (8:33:58 PM): y
AluvianSupremacy (8:34:35 PM): u said u would
uReM0MsUx (8:34:50 PM): ok one day
AluvianSupremacy (8:34:54 PM): yay
uReM0MsUx (8:35:04 PM): stapler?
AluvianSupremacy (8:35:13 PM): stapler
uReM0MsUx (8:35:16 PM): where?
AluvianSupremacy (8:35:20 PM): pants
uReM0MsUx (8:35:26 PM): keep it...
uReM0MsUx (8:35:28 PM): lol
AluvianSupremacy (8:35:34 PM): =/
uReM0MsUx (8:35:40 PM): ok ..il go for it
uReM0MsUx (8:35:47 PM): but no funni stuff
AluvianSupremacy (8:36:04 PM): k
AluvianSupremacy (8:36:05 PM): ;-)
yay for bein bored n bein saved
bored + stewie = no bored roxi
much sex n violence..<3roxi<3
current mood: crazy
current music: stuff
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
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11:10 pm - le sigh
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im goin to take this lovely rusty screwdriver n jam it rite into my eyes..ahahahahahahah
then in goin to take this rusty blade n slit my trhoat..yay wat fun magic tricks.....
current mood: crazy
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(comment on this)
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roxi3star's journal
